Spalmato this, you Google bastards
By: Ian Rose | June 15th, 2007Okay, I know I promised a match report on the 1-0 loss to FC Dallas last night, but frankly, I just don’t know. I’m running out of different ways to say “The offense was non-existent and though Nick Rimando held up well in goal, one inevitably got through and we lost, again.”
Luckily, in this regard, there is Google. More specifically, there is Google Translate, the coolest thing in the world and long a friend of the Offside blogger. So, since I can’t think of a new and exciting way to say “The offense was non-existent and though Nick Rimando held up well in goal, one inevitably got through and we lost, again.”, I had Google do it for me.
Translated to Italian and then directly back to English:
“The offense was still nonexistent and benchè the scalfittura Rimando supported well in the objective, directed obtaining unavoidablly and we lost.”
Translated to Japanese and then back to English: (This is still in Beta, so don’t hate…)
“Violation is however for the second time non existence object, one which had become the proper direct communication and the nick Rimando which is late to be possible to be we lost.”
And, finally, in Portugese:
“The offence was inexistent and even so the notch Rhyming kept raised well in the objective, one started inevitàvel direct one and us we lose, another time.”
If I ever publish a book of poetry, for which the odds in Vegas are about even with me sleeping with a supermodel on the moon, I am titling it “Even so the notch Rhyming”. Word.
I’m sorry if this is not subtle enough. Real Salt Lake is getting mind-numbingly boring to watch, and nearly as much so to write about.
Category: Team News
Tags: Big money....big money....no wammies....STOP, Oh the joy that is Google Translate, Real Salt Lake, RSL, Team NewsSubscribe
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Comments
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Aw, poor Ian. Come defect to the Vic’s…their lookin better and better. What was that you said about only following winners?
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Gold stars to Ian for using the word “spalmato” in a sentence. And not just a sentence, but a headline.
And about that game. It. Totally. Sucked. And RSL deserved the win. Except for that little “inability to put it in the net” thing.
Take heart from the fact that you have by far the coolest uniforms in MLS, bar none.
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And I am so going to steal you “Google-to-[pick your language] and back again” trick next time I can’t come up with a unique way to say, ““The offense was non-existent and though Joe Cannon held up well in goal, one inevitably got through and we lost, again.”
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I couldn’t do that, Anne. I’m sticking with RSL until the end (of this horrible season). Besides, I already have two USL 1 teams, and I’ll be dead in my grave before I desert either the Portland Timbers or the Rochester Raging Rhinos.
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Oh, no. You’re a Timbers fan? I’m sorry, but we cannot be friends.
Do you go to the games with Bob? And more importantly, did you come up with the Timber Army when they played Seattle? I think I saw you. You were the drunk guy in the kilt and sombrero throwing beer at our guys on the field, weren’t you?
Oh, wait. That doesn’t narrow things down much.
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No, I’m not really a Timbers fan. The only teams I could call myself a fan of, really, are Inverness Caley Thistle, the Scotland NT, and Real Salt Lake. I just respect a good mascot, and there ain’t no mascot like a dude with a freakin chainsaw. It’s like having a slasher movie character as your mascot - the Nantucket Freddy Kruegers - that’s a kit I would buy. Ahh … soccer in striped sweaters …
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Hey, the Vic’s have striped jerseys!
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I am prouder than any astronaut’s parent has ever been to announce that this blog entry is now Google’s number 1 listing for “spalmato”. Chew on that, entire nation of Italy.
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